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Sunday, June 6, 2010

I'm not talented, im just an instrument of God (The journey of the piano and I)

Sometimes, playing the piano is not just about moving your fingers smoothly across the black and white keys, nor is it about playing the notes at the fastest speed or playing with distinctive dynamics and complicated chord progressions. sometimes, it's just about focusing on what you want to express and letting the spirit and feelings flow through u, then the emotions, the love, the touch of music will start to flow through your music like heaven's blessing pouring down and somehow... touches a person's heart.

when i was 14, i had no one to teach me how to play for worship sessions using chords. there were no other pianists when the church just started, i was the only musician they had. as much as i was reluctant, i still had to play. all i knew was, i was suppose to press the chords in whatever way as long as they were able to sing with the music. Honestly, it was terrible. i hated playing for worship because i played so badly, i got sick of my playing, it was monotonous and boring, in fact it was different from what i heard other people playing. i used the excuse of no one to teach me any basics to escape from the fact that i hated to play. i questioned myself, God and even people around me.. why am i suppose to play the piano when i don't even play well? Why did other people have someone to teach them while i had none?

Initially, i was discouraged by people who did not like my playing and felt that i was not good enough. there were times i wanted to give up, i only played the piano when i needed to, it was not a hobby because i found it difficult to like it when i was not doing it well. Despite all that, God sent people to lift me up when i most needed it. i remember playing for the very 1st time when the church service was held at home, at the end of the service, uncle Gary came to me and told me that i did a good job. of course, uncle Gary didn't say it because i played well, but i was indeed encouraged. Besides, i was often reminded that i should not care so much about what other people think because when i play, i play for God. not men. =)

When i decided to take a step further, then things started to progress gradually. i started to play better and better, i began to get compliments from people who heard me play, and i knew what happened, God began to work in me. There were moments when my fingers were not mine, because the holy spirit was leading my hands, my fingers on the keyboard. then, i started to play differently. People started to feel God through the music. I began to believe that God can use me to make a difference, like I'd always wanted to do. Now, I still have so much to improve. Perhaps i had walked a hundred steps to reach where i am now, but i still have a millions steps. so till i reach the top, I'll keep it up and make sure that i do not stay at the same spot for long. =)

Not forgetting the people who have helped me and taught me things i never knew, which include my siblings, friends and church members, they were the ones who have made me improve all these time. Plus, I'm also more than thankful for the people whom God has sent into my life to encourage me by just saying simple sentences of compliments. when i was not playing well, still they gave praises i do not deserve. when i was not as good as the others, still they believed in my abilities. Most of all, i was deeply touched when God spoke through someone to tell me that I'd played beautifully when the spirit flowed through my playing the moment i thought i played badly that, in the future, He will use me as a great instrument to touch many lives. My heavenly father has assured me that even when I'm not as skillful as anyone else, nor am i as talented as them, I'm an instrument of God and that's all that matters.

I'm not talented, I'm just an instrument of God.

May God bless you all through His music by His instruments.

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