The four-letter-word
I have always been very sensitive towards vulgar words. Somehow, they always manage to trigger some kind of alert button in my system when someone says "the word." My friends know that I don't like it, some of them even know it when my alert button goes off although I appear extremely calm on the outside (or at least I think so). Sometimes, they even apologize to me for mentioning the word because I would recommend them to say something else like... "cham la!", "ish!"..or.. "oh bother!" like Winnie the Pooh says it. I'm really not against people who say it, I have close friends who mention words like that every now and then. As much as I'm not comfortable with that, I still really like them.
When I was in primary school, the boys always fired each other with all kinds of weird words in Hokkien which I, although having pure Hokkien blood flowing through my veins, do not understand at all. Sadly, they said them so much until I know the words really well. (But of course, I never dared to utter any) So, I went back home and asked my parents one by one what they meant. My parents, predictably stared at me in horror and asked, "Did the boys in class scold you with these words??" well, at that point, of course not. The boys were just shouting them a lot in class. After my parents explain to me what they meant in hokkien, I was actually pretty amused and stunned at the same time. I really didn't understand why people scolded each other using the name of our organs. It didn't make sense, it still doesn't really make sense to me.
I was scolded right in the face when I was 11. I was a prefect and I was implementing my duty to keep the class quiet. Like what other prefects would do, I threatened to take down names if they made any noise. I really can't remember the exact details but a few boys really hated me for that. They scolded me with a word that I didn't understand so I was actually not offended at all. I was more occupied thinking about the meaning of the word so I didn't have time to be angry with them. I later asked a senior and she told me, "It means mother of pig." "Oh, is it like really bad to scold someone that?" "Well, it does show that they do hate you." So there I was, understanding the meaning of the word but was more offended by being hated.
Anyhow, I never knew that I could get offended quite badly by vulgar words until a few months ago.
A close friend who was in a bad mood got me really concerned. So, as the usual "kepo" me, I asked, "Are you okay?" (I came to realized that this question is really not the best question to ask) He shot me the scariest look I've ever seen and uttered the four-letter-word with full-blast-anger. He didn't even have to shout the word, he just said it with a deep voice and it got me choking. I turned my face very quickly as I reasoned with myself that he was upset and I couldn't blame him. Honestly, I was too afraid and sad to be angry. Within a few seconds, I was crying like a baby and felt the lump in my throat as big as ever. I walked to the other side of the road and forced myself to enter the same car as him after that. I tried to hide my face and it probably worked because it was dark at night.
After we reached home, he came to me and said that he wanted to talk. I could sense regret in his voice and obviously knew that he has calmed down so I squeaked "okay," still trying very hard to hold back my tears. "I'm really sorry, I was in a terrible mood. I shouldn't have said that to you. You must be really shocked to hear it for the first time from me." I nodded and sincerely said, "It's okay, I shouldn't have asked that question. I should have known that you were in a bad mood. I forgive you." Finally, I brought myself to look at him and said for the final time, "It's really okay."
Although I have never told anyone, I really respected him for his courage and humbleness to apologize to me there and then. He showed me how relationships really mattered more than his pride, how saying sorry wouldn't hurt as much as hurting the people around him. Vulgar words or not, right or wrong, in the end, what really matters is what we do next. If we are willing to be patient, if we are still willing to love despite it all, a miracle might just happen.
When I was in primary school, the boys always fired each other with all kinds of weird words in Hokkien which I, although having pure Hokkien blood flowing through my veins, do not understand at all. Sadly, they said them so much until I know the words really well. (But of course, I never dared to utter any) So, I went back home and asked my parents one by one what they meant. My parents, predictably stared at me in horror and asked, "Did the boys in class scold you with these words??" well, at that point, of course not. The boys were just shouting them a lot in class. After my parents explain to me what they meant in hokkien, I was actually pretty amused and stunned at the same time. I really didn't understand why people scolded each other using the name of our organs. It didn't make sense, it still doesn't really make sense to me.
I was scolded right in the face when I was 11. I was a prefect and I was implementing my duty to keep the class quiet. Like what other prefects would do, I threatened to take down names if they made any noise. I really can't remember the exact details but a few boys really hated me for that. They scolded me with a word that I didn't understand so I was actually not offended at all. I was more occupied thinking about the meaning of the word so I didn't have time to be angry with them. I later asked a senior and she told me, "It means mother of pig." "Oh, is it like really bad to scold someone that?" "Well, it does show that they do hate you." So there I was, understanding the meaning of the word but was more offended by being hated.
Anyhow, I never knew that I could get offended quite badly by vulgar words until a few months ago.
A close friend who was in a bad mood got me really concerned. So, as the usual "kepo" me, I asked, "Are you okay?" (I came to realized that this question is really not the best question to ask) He shot me the scariest look I've ever seen and uttered the four-letter-word with full-blast-anger. He didn't even have to shout the word, he just said it with a deep voice and it got me choking. I turned my face very quickly as I reasoned with myself that he was upset and I couldn't blame him. Honestly, I was too afraid and sad to be angry. Within a few seconds, I was crying like a baby and felt the lump in my throat as big as ever. I walked to the other side of the road and forced myself to enter the same car as him after that. I tried to hide my face and it probably worked because it was dark at night.
After we reached home, he came to me and said that he wanted to talk. I could sense regret in his voice and obviously knew that he has calmed down so I squeaked "okay," still trying very hard to hold back my tears. "I'm really sorry, I was in a terrible mood. I shouldn't have said that to you. You must be really shocked to hear it for the first time from me." I nodded and sincerely said, "It's okay, I shouldn't have asked that question. I should have known that you were in a bad mood. I forgive you." Finally, I brought myself to look at him and said for the final time, "It's really okay."
Although I have never told anyone, I really respected him for his courage and humbleness to apologize to me there and then. He showed me how relationships really mattered more than his pride, how saying sorry wouldn't hurt as much as hurting the people around him. Vulgar words or not, right or wrong, in the end, what really matters is what we do next. If we are willing to be patient, if we are still willing to love despite it all, a miracle might just happen.
Comments
Post a Comment