Saying goodbye.

Sitting at the gate waiting for it to open, I tried to swallow the big lump I have in my throat, praying I won't spill my tears in front of so many strangers.

Saying goodbye was harder than I thought. I've always wanted to play it cool, give the 'hey it's no big deal' face. However, even after so many times of saying goodbye, I still feel this overwhelming ball of sadness settling in my heart everytime I have to do it, especially when you know that those are the farewells in which 'see you soon' is not appropriate to say at all. I still find it hard to put on a mask to hide my reluctance to part, to act like I'm completely normal. 

I feel like it's my fault that I didn't make full use of the time I had, however I also know that there's no turning back time, only turning back next time. 

We always regret after we lose something, strive to chase after what we already lose. Yet when we have something in our hands, the diamond tends to look a bit dimmer than the one behind the glass that somehow seems.. unobtainable. 

As I look back to the 2 months I had in Malaysia. I cannot say that I have no regrets at all, but I'm thankful for every good thing that has happened and for every challenge that made me more mature. I cannot be more thankful enough for the opportunity to meet people I haven't got to see or talk to for almost a year. Hearing their stories, sharing their laughter, seeing their smiles, learning from them, caring for them, all those made my heart so warm. I feel like I've missed a big part of their new lives, yet I know I'd once been a part of theirs, and because of that, we always have our memories to share, even if we can't be there for each other as much or sometimes, at all. 

I'm sorry towards the people whom I haven't spent enough time with, haven't shown enough love to. I'm sorry I've been forgetful and ignorant, for the times I haven't told u enough that I appreciate your love, especially towards my parents. 

Even as I'm flying off soon in a few minutes, I'm thinking about all of you precious people who have made a big impact in my life, God who held me together with people in His love, the things I have learnt from home, the people from Newcastle whom I've missed and a new life of which I have no clear vision of. 

I know I will get over it, but I still miss you guys, and my heart is heavy to leave you so soon. I will be back again, I promise. Hence, good bye. 

Or should I say.. See you soon? :)